


FIND YOU

by Lucifers_Left_Lung



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2019-09-29 17:04:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17207411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifers_Left_Lung/pseuds/Lucifers_Left_Lung
Summary: Jaebum is in his senior year of high school and can't wait to get out. Out of school, out of Korea, away from his family and peers, altogether. However, Jaebum also had a reputation and senior year has been boring so far. That's why, when Park Jinyoung suddenly draws Jaebum's attention, Jaebum decides to make things a little more exciting. But the perfect Jinyoung has secrets of his own.{just a cliche au}©2018//Lucifers-Left-Lung





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again. Back with yet another cliche JJP au.   
> Rip, y'all.   
> As always, expect lots of angst, bc I'm a hoe for that biz.  
> Happy (sad?) reading!

Jaebum took a long drag off his cigarette and rolled his eyes. Thank God he was in his senior year of high school. The sooner he graduated from this hell hole, the sooner he could get out of Seoul and away from all these fake ass people. He had friends, if you could call them that, but Jaebum preferred solitude. He hadn't always been this bitter and closed off, but circumstances could change a person.

"Those things are bad for you," Park Jinyoung said, stopping on his way to lunch to apparently lecture Jaebum on his bad habits.

Jaebum blew the smoke away from Jinyoung and smirked up at the boy. "Lots of things are bad for me," Jaebum replied, eyes raking over Jinyoung slowly; Jinyoung looked away, clearly uncomfortable. "That doesn't stop me from doing what I want."

"Whatever."

Jaebum watched Jinyoung walk away. He'd never noticed the guy before. They had a few classes together, but they'd never actually spoken. Jaebum wondered what had made Jinyoung stop to say something to him today. If it was Jaebum's attention Jinyoung had wanted, he now had it.

Might as well have some fun before graduation, right?

"What are you looking at?" Jackson asked, sitting on the step beside Jaebum.

Jaebum finally tore his gaze from Jinyoung's retreating figure and looked over at Jackson. If Jaebum had to choose a best friend, or a friend at all, he would say that Jackson was it. "I wanna have some fun," Jaebum replied.

"What kind of fun?" Jackson asked, a spark in his eyes.

"Park Jinyoung. He's so perfect. I want to change that."

Jackson immediately lost interest. He'd been having his own boy troubles lately. "Why?" he asked in a bored tone.

"Why not?" Jaebum sighed. "I'm going to break him."

Jaebum put his cigarette out and stood as the bell rang, signaling that he and Jackson were late for class. He smiled to himself as he said goodbye and made his way to chemistry, a class he happened to have with Jinyoung.

Everyone looked up when Jaebum entered and the teacher simply shook his head, used to Jaebum's tardiness by now. Jaebum took his assigned seat at the front of the class and waited for the teacher to tell them to pick a partner. Before Jinyoung could choose his usual partner, Youngjae, Jaebum slid onto the stool beside him and grinned at the boy.

Jinyoung was pretty, now that Jaebum was actually looking. Full lips, pretty brown eyes. Even when he was grimacing, like he was in that moment, Park Jinyoung had something.

"What are you doing?" Jinyoung asked, eyes landing on Youngjae, who had been forced to partner up with someone else.

Jaebum nonchalantly clasped his hands on the table in front of him and smiled sweetly at Jinyoung. "I needed a partner," he said innocently. "And since you care so much about my well-being, I thought you'd be the perfect candidate."

Jinyoung groaned. "Look, it was just a comment made in passing," he said. "It didn't mean anything. I know you don't like me and I don't like you, so can you please ─"

"You don't like me? You don't even know me."

The teacher started handing out the labs and Jinyoung resigned himself to the fact that he was stuck with Jaebum. "I know enough," Jinyoung said, reading the lab to himself.

Jaebum snatched the paper from Jinyoung's hand and started reading. He didn't want to show that Jinyoung had gotten to him, that what Jinyoung had said was what everyone already thought of Jaebum. Everyone thought they knew everything about him, when they really didn't know the first thing. Did Jaebum really have a right to feel any type of way about what people thought of him when it was him who put on the facade? When it was him who didn't let people see the real Jaebum? He didn't think so.

Bored already, Jaebum tucked the lab into his notebook. Jinyoung looked at him like he was crazy. "Let's play twenty questions," Jaebum said.

"What?" Jinyoung replied. "No, we have to do the lab." Jinyoung reached for Jaebum's notebook, but Jaebum dropped it in his bag. "What are you doing?" Jinyoung asked, irritated.

"Since you know everything about me, I'll start," Jaebum said. "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

Jinyoung choked, coughing loudly. Jaebum raised a brow in interest. "That's the question you're starting with?" Jinyoung asked.

"Why? Got something to hide?" Jaebum said.

Jinyoung and Jaebum stared at each other for a long moment, almost a challenge of sorts. Jaebum knew Jinyoung wouldn't answer the question, but he enjoyed making the boy uncomfortable. That, and now he was genuinely curious as to what Jinyoung's big secret was.

The bell rang then. "We'll pick up on this tomorrow!" the teacher called as everyone packed up and left the classroom.

Jaebum slung his bag over his shoulder and left the room. Yeah. He was going to have fun this year.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He prefers Jaebeom so that's what we doing now.

Jaebeom was nearly to his car when Jinyoung caught up to him. Jackson was already waiting in the passenger seat of Jaebeom's car, a curious and judgmental expression on his face. Jaebeom smirked when Jinyoung spun him around, but quickly covered it up by putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it. Jinyoung made a face.

"Can I help you?" Jaebeom asked.

Jinyoung pointed to Jaebeom's bag. "Give me the lab and I'll stay after school and work on it myself," he said.

Jaebeom glanced at his bag, then smiled at Jinyoung. "I'll give you the lab ─ I'll even help you with the lab ─ but we have to finish our game first."

For a moment, Jinyoung stood there, seemingly weighing his options. Fail an assignment, or spend time with Jaebeom. Neither option appeared to be very appealing to Jinyoung, but he finally sighed heavily and glared at Jaebeom. "Get rid of the cigarette," he said before climbing into the back seat of Jaebeom's car.

Grinning to himself, Jaebeom flicked his cigarette away and got into the driver's seat. Jackson was looking between Jaebeom and Jinyoung questioningly, but Jaebeom was certain Jackson knew what this meant: that Jaebeom was going through with his plan to play Jinyoung. However, Jaebeom also knew that Jackson didn't approve. The boy didn't have to voice his disapproval; Jaebeom knew him well enough to be able to read his body language. After all the shit Jackson had been through with men recently, he had become soft and empathetic. Jaebeom's pain had done the opposite to him. He no longer gave a shit who he hurt in the process of making himself feel better.

Jaebeom gave Jackson a ride home, ignoring the look Jackson gave him on his way out of the car. Jinyoung hopped up front and buckled in. He started rummaging in Jaebeom's bag, but Jaebeom didn't mind. He'd tucked the folded up lab into the inside pocket of his leather jacket. Pulling away from Jackson's house, Jaebeom drove to his favorite diner and stopped.

Giving up on finding the lab in Jaebeom's bag, Jinyoung frowned. "Why are we at a diner?" he asked.

"What does one usually do at diners?" Jaebeom responded as he got out of the car.

Jinyoung followed Jaebeom inside reluctanty and sat across from him. Jaebeom had chosen his usual booth by the window and didn't bother looking a menu. He passed one to Jinyoung, who sighed and opened it.

"Hey, Jaebeom," the waitress said, stopping at their table. "The usual?"

Jaebeom nodded and the waitress looked at Jinyoung expectantly.

"What's your usual?" Jinyoung asked Jaebeom.

"Strawberry shake."

"I'll have the same," Jinyoung told the waitress, folding his menu and pushing it aside. "So, I take it you come here a lot?"

Jaebeom shrugged. "Don't really have anywhere else to go," he replied.

"What about home?"

"New rule," Jaebeom said before Jinyoung could question him about his home life any further. "No asking about the other's home life."

Jinyoung frowned, but nodded. "Fine. Not like we'll be speaking after we finish this ridiculous game anyway."

"You never answered my question, so I'll start," Jaebeom said. "What's your favorite color?"

"White. If I ask yours, does that count as my question? Wait, does that count as my question?"

Jaebeom raised a brow, trying to hide his amusement. "My favorite color is grey. And I won't count that as your question."

"Why do you smoke?"

"Why not?"

"That's not an answer."

Jaebeom took a breath and sighed. "My dad got me started."

Jinyoung frowned, clearly surprised. "Your dad?"

"Look, I answered the question. Let's skip the explanation before we break the rule. What do you want to do after high school?"

"I want to be a vet." Of course he did. "What's that look for?" Jinyoung asked as the waitress placed their strawberry shakes on the table in front of them.

"Look? What look?" Jaebeom asked.

"That judgy look."

Jaebeom snickered and he took a drink of his shake. "Trust me, I wasn't judging you. It's your turn."

"What do you like to do?" Jinyoung asked.

"I like photography. Keeps my mind occupied and reminds me that there's still beauty in the world." Jinyoung was giving Jaebeom a particular look, but Jaebeom chose to ignore it. He was probably surprised that Jaebeom had any normal interests, other than the rumors everyone liked to spread about him. "What is it you think you know about me?" he asked.

Jinyoung nearly choked on his shake, causing Jaebeom to smirk.

"Just. Everyone always talks about you. How you smoke and drink and party. One night stands and such."

"Is there something wrong with one night stands?" Jaebeom asked.

"No," Jinyoung answered defensively. There's nothing wrong with it."

Jaebeom chuckled. "You and the rest of those people are idiots."

"Excuse me?"

"You know nothing about me, Park Jinyoung. I'd planned on actually trying to get to know you, but now I'm not sure I want to." Jaebeom stood and dropped some money on the table, along with the finished lab. "I had a free period, so I finished it. See you tomorrow."

Jaebeom left the diner, leaving Jinyoung confused and somehow wanting the boy to return.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. I've been going through some stuff.  
> But, anyway. Here you are.  
> I'll try to update more frequently, smh.

Jaebeom walked into chemistry class the next day and took his typical seat. He could feel Jinyoung's eyes on him, but didn't look back. Honestly, Jinyoung hadn't really done anything. It was just the overall fact that no one knew Jaebeom and so they made up whatever they wanted about him. It was his own fault. What were they supposed to think when Jaebeom only spoke to maybe two people, when he spent his free period smoking on school grounds, and when he had an attitude that dared anyone even look in his direction? The reputation Jaebeom had garnered was of his own fault, but he needed someone to take it out on. Even if it was ruining his original plan.

The teacher told everyone to go back to their partners from the day before for part two of the lab, so Jaebeom reluctantly stood and moved to take his place beside Jinyoung again. The boy had the lab Jaebeom had completed laid out on the table and there was no doubt in Jaebeom's mind that Jinyoung had gone over it with a fine-toothed comb, checking for any mistakes.

The air between them was thick as Jaebeom began working on the lab without a word. He could see Jinyoung watching him from the corner of his eye, and finally sighed, facing the boy.

"What is it?" Jaebeom asked impatiently.

Jinyoung glanced away and swallowed. "I just wanted to...apologize," he said. "About yesterday."

"You apologized, can we work on the lab now?" Jaebeom set back to work.

"You were right. We are all idiots who know nothing about you. But it's because you don't want us to." Jaebeom stopped and looked over at Jinyoung, clearly annoyed. "Why else would you let everyone make up stories about you without even batting an eye?"

Jaebeom shook his head. "Maybe I don't want anyone to know about me. Or maybe no one has tried."

The class passed by silently after that. Jinyoung didn't seem to have anything else to say to Jaebeom and Jaebeom was just fine with that. Perhaps it was instant karma that Jinyoung had ultimately ended up hurting Jaebeom, rather than Jaebeom hurting him. Well, the word 'hurt' was a strong word. Jaebeom wasn't _hurt_. No, it wasn't that. What Jaebeom was feeling was hard to put into words. He was angry. At himself, at everyone else. He was sad that no one did seem to care enough to actually get to know him. Even Jackson didn't know much about him. Then again, maybe it _was_ all Jaebeom's own fault. Perhaps he was simply unapproachable.

The final bell rang and Jaebeom stood, packing away his notebook and pulling on his jacket. He didn't speak to Jinyoung, but froze when he felt a hand on his elbow.

"We didn't finish our game," Jinyoung said.

Jaebeom frowned. "What?"

Jinyoung half-smiled. "Consider this me trying." Jinyoung walked ahead of Jaebeom, towards the exit.

Reluctantly, Jaebeom followed after Jinyoung, not objecting when the boy climbed into the backseat again. Jackson was in his usual spot in the front seat and was giving Jaebeom a confused look. As far as Jackson knew, this whole thing had ended the day before. All Jaebeom could do was shrug and start the car.

Unfortunately, Jackson wasn't planning on staying silent today.

"So, what are you doing here?" he asked Jinyoung, turning in his seat to face the boy.

Jaebeom took a silent breath and glanced back at Jinyoung in the rearview mirror. "What do you mean?" Jinyoung asked Jackson.

Jackson's gaze flickered to Jaebeom and back to Jinyoung. "I mean, what are _you_ doing hanging out with _us_?"

"I'm not hanging out with you. I'm hanging out with Jaebeom. And I think that's our business."

Jackson turned his glare on Jaebeom, expecting him to say something to Jinyoung. Jaebeom sighed and stopped outside the record store where Jackson worked. "We'll talk tonight," Jaebeom said, earning himself another glare as Jackson got out of the car.

Jinyoung climbed into the front seat and buckled in. Jaebeom pulled out of the parking lot and started for his apartment. "So what's the deal with you two?" Jinyoung asked.

Jaebeom hesitated. Jinyoung had said he wanted to get to know him, right? And this was Jaebeom's chance to let someone in. But did it really have to be the guy he was planning on playing? If he let Jinyoung in, it would ruin everything. Jinyoung would know things about him that no one knew. Hell, Jackson barely knew anything about him. But Jaebeom had opened his mouth and said no one gave him a chance, so this was all really his own fault. Everything was his fault.

Fine. He would tell Jinyoung a little. Enough. Enough to make the boy trust him. Jaebeom was realizing now something he should have realized sooner: Jinyoung wasn't the type to just trust someone. Jaebeom was going to have to give him something. And if it made Jaebeom feel slightly better in the process, even better. It's not like he had to tell Jinyoung anything significant, right?

"We're friends, I guess," Jaebeom replied. His apartment was barely a block from the record store; he parked outside and cut the engine, looking over at Jinyoung.

"You guess?"

"I don't hate him and he doesn't ask questions." Jaebeom gave Jinyoung a pointed look.

Jinyoung shook his head. "You're so confusing. You say no on tries to get to know you, yet you purposely hang out with someone who doesn't ask about you. And now, I'm here, asking about you, trying to get to know the real you, and I can tell you don't want me to be." Jaebeom swallowed. "So which is it? Do you want someone to ask questions? Or do you want to be alone?"

When Jaebeom didn't reply, Jinyoung sighed heavily and unbuckled, moving to open the door. Jaebeom grabbed his arm before he knew what he was doing. "Look," he said. "I'm not good at this sort of thing, okay? I've never had anyone give a shit and it's just easier that way."

"Doesn't seem to be."

"What are you talking about?"

"Seems to me that it's killing you," Jinyoung said.

Jaebeom released his grip on Jinyoung. "I don't know how to do this, to talk about myself."

Jinyoung sighed again and sat back in his seat. "Fine," he said. "We can try this again. Let's go to your place, order some food. We can talk or we can just sit there. Until you're ready."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's updating? Never heard of her.   
> Those Jus2 teasers, tho.  
> Also. The next chapter is going to be a mess, but I'll have the proper warnings in the notes.   
> Why do I put these boys through so much pain. I swear I love them.  
> I'm just a sucker for angst.

Jaebeom unlocked the door to his apartment and let himself and Jinyoung inside. The place was a wreck and Jaebeom started cleaning up sheepishly. Jinyoung slowly walked around the living room, looking at the few photographs that were still hung on the wall. Jaebeom picked up the dirty dishes on the coffee table, the trash, emptied the ashtrays, and grabbed them both a soda from the fridge. 

"Sorry about the mess," he said. "We never usually have company."

Jinyoung looked away from the photo he'd been studying, one of Jaebeom and his parents in a different time. "We?" Jinyoung asked.

Jaebeom licked his bottom lip, trying to hide his discomfort. "My dad. He lives here, too."

"Where is he?"

"I thought we agreed not to talk about home life," Jaebeom said. 

"Right, sorry."

Jaebeom shrugged and passed Jinyoung a soda. "C'mon," he said. "My room is this way."

Jaebeom led Jinyoung down the short hallway to his room. Inside, the walls were covered with photographs of various places and people, candids. A shelf filled with books was on one wall and a dresser covered in cameras and film on the other. The bed was small and in the corner by the window. That was all that was in his room, and he suddenly felt self-conscious about it. 

Jinyoung looked curiously at all the photos on Jaebeom's wall, and nearly tripped over a duffel bag on the floor. Jaebeom caught Jinyoung by the elbow awkwardly, the two of them making eye contact for a brief moment. Jaebeom released his grip on Jinyoung's arm and picked up the duffel bag, to stuff it under his bed. 

"What's that for?" Jinyoung asked; Jaebeom pretended not to see the pink coloring his cheeks.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Jaebeom plopped down on his bed and laid back, staring up at the ceiling. "It's my escape bag," he said quietly. He hadn't meant to say it, but now that it was out in the open, floating in the air, Jaebeom felt slightly lighter. 

Jinyoung perched on the edge of Jaebeom's bed beside him, by his knees. "Escape bag?" he asked. "What does that mean?"

"When the time comes and I have to go, it'll be there."

" _When_ the time comes? Why are you going to have to go? You're being really cryptic."

Jaebeom glanced at Jinyoung. He was so...innocent. Jaebeom wondered if the boy had ever seen a bad thing in his life. How could Jaebeom tell him that the reason he knew he would have to leave one day was because he knew his father was going to snap? The alcohol had taken things too far on multiple occasions, leaving Jaebeom often wishing he were anywhere else in the world. He knew one day that he would be left with the choice to stay and let his father do the unthinkable or leave. Jaebeom's heart hurt at the thought that that day would be there sooner rather than later.

Jaebeom forced a smile to his face. "It doesn't matter," he said, nudging Jinyoung with his knee. "Did you wanna order food or something?"

Jinyoung pursed his lips. "No, I'm good. Scoot over." Jaebeom moved over, surprised when Jinyoung laid down beside him. Their arms were touching, their legs were touching. Jaebeom had never been this close to someone else.

"Ask me something," Jinyoung said. "You said no talking about home life, but I don't mind. I'm an open book." Jinyoung took out his phone and started playing music. It wasn't anything Jaebeom had ever heard, but it was soothing. 

"Okay," Jaebeom said. "Your parents still together?"

Jinyoung shook his head. "They divorced when I was about eleven."

Jaebeom was a little taken aback at that, but he didn't mention it. "Do you know why?" he asked instead.

"Dad cheated, Mom cheated. It was mutual. They're better off now. At least they get along and aren't arguing all the time, y'know?"

Jaebeom did know. When his parents had split, it had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. If only he had been allowed to go with his mother instead of staying with his father. How different would things have turned out for him? He often wondered.

The door to Jaebeom's room burst open and he sat bolt upright, Jinyoung following suit. Standing in the doorway was Jaebeom's father. He could smell the alcohol on him across the small room. He hadn't heard him come in, probably due to Jinyoung's music. Perhaps if he had, he would have been able to hide Jinyoung or make at least not be laying on the bed with him when his father entered. 

Jaebeom had wanted to keep his life a secret, but he knew then that his father was about to expose everything Jaebeom had wanted to keep hidden.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: talks of psychical abuse and homophobia (I don't use slurs). 
> 
> me: i'll update again soon  
> also me: doesn't  
> Honestly, I've just been so busy with my Real job and also my Dream job (writing this damn novel) and Life, that I haven't had a lot of time. Not to mention, I have to keep up with all this stuff GOT7 is doing, so. Yeah, I'm sorry I suck. But I'll try to update more. I'm sure the next update will be me talking about the fact that I'm a liar, but until then.

**TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter talks of physical abuse and homophobia (I don't use slurs)**

_The day had been fairly normal. A regular day of school, a regular piano lesson, a regular walk home. However, when Jaebeom walked through the door to his family's small apartment, he could sense something was wrong almost immediately. Perhaps it was the pile of luggage by the sofa, or maybe it was the thick smell of alcohol on the air. The more Jaebeom looked around the room, the more he found wrong. Broken picture frames on the floor, a curtain half ripped from the rail._

_Jaebeom wasn't sure of what he should do in that moment. What was going on? What had happened while he'd been at school? He could tell that it was life-changing, that whatever had happened while he had been gone was something that couldn't be taken back._

_He heard yelling coming from his parents' room and dropped his backpack on the floor, going to investigate. The door was slightly open, only enough for Jaebeom to see the shattered glass on the floor. He gently pushed the door open more in time to see his father’s hand come up to make contact with his mother’s face. She fell onto the bed as Jaebeom rushed into the room, placing himself between the two of them, arms outstretched to protect his mother._

_“Stop,” he said in as big a voice as he could muster. His father was glaring down at him; he could smell the alcohol even stronger here, on his father’s breath and littering the air._

_Jaebeom’s father sneered down at him and raised his hand, but Jaebeom’s mother stood and pushed Jaebeom behind her back. “Don’t you touch him,” she said. She took Jaebeom’s hand and started pulling him towards the bedroom door. “Come on, we’re leaving.”_

_His father grabbed his hand and wrenched it from his mother’s grasp. “You think you’re taking my son?” he asked her. Jaebeom looked at his mother. In that moment, the thing he wanted most was to go with her, away from this man and this apartment and all that was going wrong. But he put on his bravest face. He had to do this. After all the sacrifices his mother had made for him, after how long she had stayed with his father for his sake, Jaebeom owed her this much._

_“Go,” Jaebeom said. “I want to stay with Dad.”_

_Jaebeom’s mother looked as if he had sucked all the air from her lungs. “What?” she asked._

_Jaebeom’s heart broke and he willed her to understand, to know that he didn’t mean it, that if he could, he would follow her to the ends of the earth. He had to do this for her, though. He had to stay so that she could go. So that she could be free._

_With tears in his eyes, he watched his mother go. He wouldn’t allow himself to regret it, he vowed. He would find her when he was older, and they would be together again. And he would leave this dreadful apartment and the drunk he called a father behind._

* * *

Jaebeom’s father looked at him for a moment before he reacted. In that split second, though, Jaebeom could already tell what was coming. He had seen that drunken glare more times than he could count. His breathing quickened and his chest began to hurt, hands gripping the blankets tightly. He knew he shouldn’t have brought Jinyoung here; he had never brought anyone to his home before for this very reason.

Jinyoung gripped Jaebeom’s hand, stopping it from shaking, before releasing him and standing to look at Jaebeom’s father. He held out his hand for the man to shake, just as he opened his mouth to speak. “My name is Park Jinyoung,” Jinyoung said politely, cutting him off. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

Jaebeom was off his bed and in front of Jinyoung before his father could reply. “Jinyoung was just leaving,” he said to his father.

He was surprised when the man let him and Jinyoung pass without a word. Jaebeom pushed Jinyoung out the door and gave him an apologetic look. He tried to close the door, but Jinyoung stopped him. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked Jaebeom quietly. “I can stay if you need me to.”

“No,” Jaebeom answered too quickly. “Please. Just go. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Jaebeom ⸺”

Jaebeom closed the door and took a deep and shaky breath. His father was still standing in his room when he returned. The man was inspecting the photographs on Jaebeom’s wall and he was suddenly glad that he’d hidden the duffel bag under his bed. If his father found that, there would be hell to pay.

“So, are you gay or something?” Jaebeom’s father asked him, turning to look Jaebeom in the eyes.

Jaebeom swallowed. He could feel his hands shaking at his sides and he quickly stuffed them into his pockets. “He’s just a friend,” he said.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“I don’t know.”

He felt the pain in his jaw before his brain could compute what had just happened. Jaebeom tasted blood in his mouth and when he looked back up, his father was shaking his hand in pain himself. Jaebeom brought his hand up to wipe blood from his mouth and took a step back from his father. He was just glad Jinyoung wasn’t here to witness what happened next.

“This is her fault,” Jaebeom’s father said. “She always was too soft on you. She didn’t want to let me raise you how I was raised, to be a man. I thought when she left, I’d be able to fix you.” He looked at Jaebeom, his expression one of disgust. “Clearly, I was wrong. You’re just like your mother. Broken and useless and a disappointment.”

Jaebeom had tried to control his anger, but hearing this man talk about his mother was causing his blood to boil. What right did he have to say anything about her at all? He was the reason Jaebeom had grown up without her, he was the reason their lives were shattered. He had ruined everything.

“I’ll fix you yet,” his father was saying. “Hopefully that slut of a mother didn’t ruin you beyond repair.”

He couldn’t hold back any longer. Jaebeom’s fist connected with his father’s jaw this time, knocking the man backwards, tearing photographs from the wall to litter the floor. Before Jaebeom could make anther move, though, his father was on him. The man hit Jaebeom in the face, causing him to fall to the floor. Jaebeom’s father was on top of him in an instant, one hand around his throat, the other hitting him repeatedly.

When his father finally stood and left the room, Jaebeom rolled onto his side, coughing blood onto the carpet. He could barely breathe through the pain in his throat and could already feel his face beginning to swell. Things had never gotten this before and Jaebeom knew they would only get worse.

Standing, Jaebeom locked his bedroom door, before going into the small bathroom that was connect to his room. He locked that door, too. Staring at his bruised face in the mirror, the dried blood and the fresh blood around his mouth and on his chin, he missed his mother more than ever. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry. Instead, Jaebeom spit blood into the sink and wet a washcloth to clean himself up. He shed his bloodied shirt and curled up in the tub. It was something he’d done for years. He felt safer in the bathroom, with two doors between he and his father, even though Jaebeom knew that if his father really wanted to get to him, the man could.

Maybe it was the beating or maybe Jaebeom was just exhausted. Whatever the reason, he was thankful that he fell asleep quickly.

Jaebeom awoke to the sound of his alarm going off; he pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans and shut it off. Looking at himself in the reflection of his screen, he knew he couldn’t go to school. He also knew Jinyoung would undoubtedly be worried when he didn’t show up. With a sigh, he texted the boy, telling him that he was fine, and he would see him the next day. It was a lie and Jaebeom knew Jinyoung was smart enough to see through it, but he didn’t know what else to do.

The day passed by in silence. His father was at work, leaving Jaebeom alone for the day. He cleaned up the photographs that had fallen from the wall. For a while, he just stared at them, before taking them all down and shoving them in the top drawer of his dresser. The bloodstain on his carpet was dry and had turned a light brown color now; Jaebeom got some bleach from the kitchen and started scrubbing. He scrubbed for what felt like hours, but the stain wouldn’t completely go away.

He felt tears spring to his eyes as he scrubbed even harder. “Why won’t it come out?” he whispered angrily to himself.

Finally, Jaebeom threw the rag onto the floor and allowed himself to cry. It wasn’t because of some stain in the carpet or the pounding pain in his face. It wasn’t even because he missed his mother. No, Jaebeom was crying for himself. He was crying because he knew he didn’t deserve this life, just as his mother hadn’t deserved it. What had he done that was so wrong? Why him? Why did he have to be the one? Maybe it wasn’t fair of him to think this way, especially when other people were suffering far worse than him, but Jaebeom felt sorry for himself. He was tired, he was so tired. He didn’t want to live like this anymore, afraid every single day, that he would simply breathe the wrong way and his father wouldn’t like it.

Everyday was spent in terror and Jaebeom was tired of it.

He must have sat there crying, the opened bottle of bleach smelling up his room, longer than he realized. A strong knock at the door jerked Jaebeom back to reality. He sniffed and wiped his eyes, wincing as he did so. Capping the bleach, Jaebeom stood and went to the door. He didn’t open it, already suspecting who was on the other side.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said. Jaebeom could hear the worry in his voice, but he didn’t open the door. He couldn’t let Jinyoung see him like this, bruised and crying and pathetic. “Jaebeom, I know you’re in there. Please open the door and let me know you’re okay.”

Jaebeom leaned his back against the door. “I’m okay,” he said.

“Open the door. Please.”

“I’ll see you in a few days. Don’t worry and don’t tell Jackson.”

Jinyoung sighed heavily on the other side of the door. “Jaebeom, _please_.”

Jaebeom swallowed. He wanted to open the door. Somehow, Jinyoung’s presence made him feel more at peace. “Please just go home, Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said instead. “There’s nothing you can for me right now.”

Jinyoung leaned his back against the door. He was frustrated that Jaebeom was so stubborn, that he couldn’t ever let anyone in, but Jaebeom was right: there was nothing Jinyoung could do. He didn’t even know Jaebeom all that well, but he felt this unexplainable need to help him and be there for him. Jaebeom truly had no one and Jinyoung wanted to be someone Jaebeom could turn to. Because for the longest time, Jinyoung had been alone, too. Until he’d met Youngjae, Jinyoung had had no one. And that was the loneliest, saddest feeling in the world.

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Jinyoung said. “Will you open the door then?”

“Maybe.”

Jinyoung sighed. That was the best he was going to get. “Stay safe tonight, and call me if you need anything.”

A beat of silence passed before Jaebeom replied. “Thank you,” he said.

Jinyoung took a last look at the closed door and left.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little short, but I had to give you SOMETHING.  
> Sorry, I don't update much these days. I'm heckin' busy.  
> \-----  
> Stan Jus2, stream Focus.  
> Watch He is Psychometric - it's amazing.  
> Support Jackson in China/US, Mark in China/SK with his interviews/photoshoots, BamBam in Thailand/SK with his fanmeetings and music/videos.  
> Pray JYP gives Youngjae an actual schedule sometime soon and stops being a twat.  
> ALSO VOTE FOR YOUNGJAE HERE: http://mbcplus.idolchamp.com/app_proxy.html?type=vote&id=vote_1101_906 HE'LL WIN A SUBWAY AD

It was three days before Jaebeom allowed himself to leave the house at all, four before he returned to school. Over those four days, Jaebeom avoided his father as best as possible. He stayed in his room from the time his father got home to the time he left the next morning, often not even having dinner. Jaebeom slept in the bathtub every night, keeping both his bedroom door and the bathroom door locked between he and his father. Days later, his face was still slightly swollen and a light purple, but he was getting better. He couldn’t afford to miss anymore school, lest he be expelled.

Those four days had been hell for Jaebeom, who had no one except Park Jinyoung. And even then, Jaebeom didn’t have him. Everyday, Jinyoung had come back to Jaebeom’s apartment and asked him to open the door, and every day, Jaebeom had told him to go home. He knew Jinyoung was probably fed up with him and his pity party, but perhaps that was for the best. It wasn’t like the two of them really knew each other anyway. They’d just gotten close by chance. Jinyoung didn’t need Jaebeom’s problems on his shoulders.

All eyes were on Jaebeom as he entered the school and made his way down the hallway silently to his locker. There were whispers, but Jaebeom tried to ignore them. He was used to people talking about him and making things up about him. The difference this time was that they had something to base their rumors off. This was the first time Jaebeom had allowed himself to return to school with visible marks on him from his father. It wasn’t by choice – Jaebeom couldn’t risk being expelled.

Jaebeom closed his locker and saw Jinyoung standing there. The expression on Jinyoung’s face at the sight of Jaebeom’s was indescribable. Anger, sadness, disbelief. The two of them stood there for a moment, the rest of the world seemingly falling away, as Jinyoung swallowed and slowly brought a hand up to Jaebeom’s cheek. Jaebeom flinched away and didn’t meet Jinyoung’s eyes.

Jinyoung grabbed Jaebeom’s hand and led him into an empty classroom, locking the door after them. He closed the shades on the door and windows and looked at Jaebeom. They were on opposite sides of the room now; Jaebeom bit his lip and leaned back against the wall.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was so bad?” Jinyoung asked. There was a slightly accusatory tone to his voice, but underneath that was just sadness.

Jaebeom shook his head. “What could you have done, Jinyoung?” he replied. “What can you do?”

Jinyoung looked at Jaebeom as if he were nuts. “Call the police!” he exclaimed.

“Do you think I haven’t tried that? While my parents were still together, before my mom left us, do you think I didn’t see him hit her and try to get help?” Jaebeom took a breath. “My dad is a police chief, Jinyoung. He can get away with whatever he wants. No one cared then, and no one would care now.”

“So, what are you going to do, then? Just stay there until you graduate and let him keep…doing this?”

Jaebeom looked away from Jinyoung in shame and swallowed. “I’ll do what I have to do. I’ve survived this long, what’s a few more months?”

Jinyoung grabbed Jaebeom by the shoulders; Jaebeom hadn’t seen him cross the room. “All it takes is a second. You have an escape bag, for Christ’s sake.”

The bell rang then, but Jinyoung didn’t release his hold on Jaebeom, even as students tried to unlock the door to the classroom. “Come stay with me,” Jinyoung said. “We have an extra –“

Jaebeom pulled away from Jinyoung. “I’m not dragging you into my drama,” he said. “I have to get to class. See you.”

* * *

Jackson hadn’t asked about Jaebeom’s bruised face and Jaebeom hadn’t told him what had happened. The two of them continued on as if everything were normal, and that was the way Jaebeom liked it. After having people stare at him all day and whisper about him, being with Jackson, who didn’t seem to care one way or the other, was a bit of a relief. With Jackson, Jaebeom didn’t have to talk about what his father had done.

Jaebeom pulled a cigarette out of his jacket and stuck it in his mouth. Rather than light it, he sighed and rolled his eyes, thinking about how Jinyoung hated him smoking. Why was he thinking about that? Sure, Jinyoung clearly gave a damn about him, but they barely knew each other. Why should Jaebeom let what Jinyoung did or didn’t like have any influence over him.

Jaebeom lit the cigarette and glanced over at Jackson. They were sitting on the front steps of the school during lunch, just like they did every day. Jaebeom silently wondered who Jackson hung out with when he wasn’t there. “How’s work?” Jaebeom asked.

“It’s work,” Jackson answered.

“Still fighting with Mark?”

Jackson rolled his eyes and groaned. “He won’t get off my back about college, no matter how many times I tell him I won’t even be able to get into one. Even if I wanted to.”

Jaebeom was relieved to be dealing with such trivial problems and not talking about his own. “Have you told him you’re more interested in music?”

“Yeah, I told him. He says I should have a backup plan.”

“Does he support you, though?”

Jackson shrugged. “Yeah, he does. He just worries.”

“Maybe you should hear him out,” Jaebeom suggested. “He cares about you.”

“That reminds me,” Jackson said. “What’s going on with you and that Jinyoung kid?”

Jaebeom choked on his cigarette and threw the remainder of it on the ground, stomping it with his shoe. “What are you talking about?” he said.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone while you were gone. Kept asking me if I knew if you were okay.” Jackson looked at Jaebeom’s face. “Which you clearly weren’t.”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Jaebeom said.

“I think it should be talked about.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes and stood. “Don’t,” he said.

Jackson stood. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t pretend to give a shit. I like this,” Jaebeom motioned between he and Jackson to emphasize his meaning, “because we don’t talk about things. Because we don’t care.”

Jackson scoffed, apparently offended. “We don’t care?” he said. “Jaebeom, we’ve been friends for years – look, maybe _you_ don’t care, but I actually do.”

Jaebeom sighed. “I just meant –“

“No, I got it.” Jackson grabbed his bag and walked back inside the school.

Jaebeom picked up his own bag but didn’t head for the school. Instead, he started walking towards the diner, leaving his car behind. He just needed some air and some time to think. Perhaps it was better this way. If Jackson wasn’t around, Jaebeom would have one less person to worry about. One less person to say goodbye to when he finally got out of this city. He could focus on finding his mother and living the life he deserved and had always wanted to live. He could pursue his dreams of becoming a photographer and he wouldn’t have to worry about severing ties or even keeping in contact with anyone from his previous life.

Jaebeom’s mind landed on Jinyoung once again and he sighed heavily. For whatever reason, this guy seemed to care a lot about him – and Jaebeom would be lying if he said the feeling wasn’t mutual – but Jaebeom was bad for Jinyoung. He had to end this relationship soon, before things got any more complicated than they already were. Before Jinyoung got pulled more into Jaebeom’s dramatic life.

Before Jaebeom ruined him, just like he ruined everything else.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow. I haven't updated this in a long ass time.  
> I'm so sorry for that. I've just been busy with working on my novel and work.  
> Also, I'm going to see GOT7 next month!!  
> Anyway. This is super short, but I just wanted to give you guys SOMETHING.  
> Hopefully, the next update will be longer and sooner.   
> Forgive me!! xoxox

Jaebeom reached the diner, but found himself still walking, stopping only when he reached the bus stop. Without thinking, he boarded the first bus and took a seat towards the back. The bus was surprisingly empty, but Jaebeom supposed that was due to the fact that everyone was either at work or school this time of day. He stared out the window for hours, his mind going from thoughts of Jinyoung to Jackson to his father to his mother, and back again.

“Last stop,” the bus driver finally said.

The sun had gone down hours before. Jaebeom released a heavy breath and got off the bus. He was a few blocks from his apartment; the night air was chilly, but it helped Jaebeom to clear his head a bit.

Jaebeom arrived at his apartment about an hour later. By this time, the sky was filled with stars and Jaebeom just wanted to go to bed. However, upon seeing the waiting boy on his doorstep, Jaebeom knew that was unlikely.

Jinyoung stood when he saw Jaebeom approaching. “Where have you been?” he asked.

“I took a day trip,” Jaebeom responded tiredly. “I needed to clear my head.”

Jinyoung took a long look at Jaebeom before nodding. “Great. I’m glad your head is clear. Now pack a bag, you’re coming to stay with me.”

“I already told you that I’m not.”

“And I told you that you are. I’m not going to sit back and wait until it’s too late, Jaebeom.”

Jaebeom unlocked his door, grateful that his father was already passed out on the couch. “You’re being dramatic,” Jaebeom said quietly, leading Jinyoung to his room. It was risky, but Jaebeom also knew Jinyoung wasn’t going to leave him behind easily.

Once the door was closed between the two of them and Jaebeom’s father, Jinyoung bent and picked up Jaebeom’s escape bag. He unzipped it and started packing things from Jaebeom’s drawers and closet into it haphazardly. Jaebeom told him to stop, more than once, before he grabbed Jinyoung’s hands and forced him to.

“Jinyoung,” he said sternly. “I am not letting you into my life. Not this life. And I’m not letting you drag me and my shit into yours. So just stop.”

“ _Please_. I can’t leave you here, Jaebeom. Not knowing what I know now.”

Jaebeom sighed, dropping Jinyoung’s hands. “You should go.”

“That’s it? I know you better than anyone.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Exactly. I know you better than anyone, and yet I don’t know anything about you at all,” Jinyoung said. “You won’t let anyone in. You won’t let anyone help you.”

Jaebeom swallowed. “Help me?” he said, turning. He hadn’t realized he was crying until his voice came out cracked. “Who was there to help me when my father beat the shit out of my mother? When every time he laid a hand on her, I was afraid it would be the last time, while somehow _hoping_ that it was? I _wanted_ my mother to die, Jinyoung. I wanted her to _die_ , just so she could be safe. Who was there to help me then? Or my mother?” Jaebeom was sobbing by this point, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Not the police, whose job it is to protect us. Not our family, who didn’t believe us. No one was there then, and no one is here now.”

Jinyoung pulled Jaebeom into his arms, squeezing him tightly as Jaebeom cried. “I’m here,” he said. “I’m here. Please come with me.”

To Jinyoung’s surprise, Jaebeom nodded against his shoulder. Jinyoung released a sigh of relief and pulled away from Jaebeom, wiping his tears. Jaebeom grabbed his camera and stuffed it into the duffel bag, knowing if he left it behind, his father would certainly destroy it. He sniffled and let Jinyoung take his hand, picking up the duffel bag and leading Jaebeom from his room.

Jaebeom’s father was still passed out on the couch as they silently passed and left the apartment.

The ride to Jinyoung’s place was silent. He had driven Jaebeom’s car home and was now driving it again, as Jaebeom sat in the passenger seat with his head leaned against the window. He was exhausted, not just from his trip on the bus, but from his breakdown as well. He hated the fact that he was going to Jinyoung’s house to be a burden on he and his family, but Jinyoung was just too damn stubborn.

When they finally reached Jinyoung’s place, the house was dark. It was large, much too large for just Jinyoung and his mother. Jaebeom followed him inside and to a guest room that was at least twice as big as his own back at the apartment. The bed was full and took up a chunk of the room, while a pearl white dresser took up another. The windows covered one wall, floor to ceiling, and carpet beneath Jaebeom’s bare feet was soft.

Jinyoung placed Jaebeom’s bag on the bed and turned to him. “There’s a bathroom through that door,” he said, pointing to a door on the wall by the dresser. “There are clean towels and I had the maid get a new set of pajamas for you earlier.”

“You were that sure I’d come with you?” Jaebeom asked sarcastically.

Jinyoung shrugged sheepishly. “I hoped you would.” He passed by Jaebeom but stopped halfway out the door. “Jaebeom?”

Jaebeom turned. His eyes were heavy, and he doubted he even had the energy for a shower at all. “Yeah?” he said.

“I’m glad you came,” Jinyoung said. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

Jaebeom smiled as Jinyoung closed the door. He just hoped Jinyoung was right.

He hoped he was safe.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what do you know? It hasn't been a month this time since my last update.  
> Anyway. I'm unhappy with JYPE, but I love GOT7 so much.  
> They deserve the world :(

Jaebeom exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair dripping wet. When he had woken up that morning, it had taken him a moment to get his bearings and realize he was no longer at the apartment. He was no longer in danger of his father, at least for the moment. The duffel bag lay on the bed, still filled with Jaebeom’s things. He hadn’t wanted to unpack or get too comfortable; part of him feared that he would be forced to leave this place far too soon.

Unzipping the bag, Jaebeom took his camera out and sat it on the dresser. In his rush, he had left his photos behind. He would have to go back for them; they were to be a part of his portfolio. After he found his mother, Jaebeom planned to do something with his life and his passion and go to school for photography. He would need those photographs to do it.

Jaebeom began rummaging through his wrinkled clothes. There was a knock on the door, and it opened. Jaebeom turned to see Jinyoung standing there, cheeks red. Right, Jaebeom was only in a towel.

“I just came to tell you that there’s breakfast,” Jinyoung said. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

“Actually,” Jaebeom said. “Do you have an iron? All my clothes got wrinkled and I had plans today. I wanted to look half-decent.” Jaebeom smirked. “You know, not like I just fled from my drunk, abusive father.”

Jinyoung stood there, looking a little uncomfortable. Jaebeom snickered and held up a wrinkly shirt. “So? Do you have an iron?”

“Oh, right,” Jinyoung said. “Here, I’ll give it to the maid. She can iron it while we eat breakfast.”

Before Jaebeom could protest, Jinyoung had snatched the shirt from his hands and left the room. He was back in an instant, tossing Jaebeom a tee shirt. The shirt had the name of some heavy metal band and Jaebeom smiled, amused. Pulling it over his head, Jaebeom pulled on some jeans and met Jinyoung in the kitchen.

Jinyoung and a woman, whom Jaebeom assumed was Jinyoung’s mother, were waiting. There was a large breakfast set out on the table and Jaebeom’s stomach growled in the response to the onslaught of smells.

“Oh, honey,” the woman said. “Please, help yourself.”

Jinyoung passed Jaebeom a clean plate and smiled. “Jaebeom, this is my mother,” he said.

Jaebeom bowed. “Thank you for letting me stay here,” he said. “I promise, I’ll be out of your hair as soon as possible.”

“It’s no trouble,” she said. “And please, stay as long as you’d like. We have more than enough room.” Jinyoung’s mother stood. “Well, I’ll leave you boys to eat. Be home early tonight,” she told Jinyoung, kissing him on the forehead as she passed.

Jaebeom’s stomach growled again and Jinyoung shook his head, taking the plate from Jaebeom and stacking it high with different foods. He sat the plate at the spot beside him and motioned for Jaebeom to sit.

“So, what are your big plans?” Jinyoung asked as they both began eating.

Jaebeom stopped and put his chopsticks down, taking the time to slowly chew and swallow his food before answering. “I’m…going to look for my mom,” he said.

Jinyoung stopped and stared at Jaebeom. “What?” he said. “That’s great. How are you going to do it?”

“There’s a guy who’s willing to help, a private investigator.”

“Jaebeom, maybe I’m crossing a line here, and I really don’t want to, but…do you have the money for that?” Jinyoung asked.

Jaebeom bit his lip and his tongue. He knew that Jinyoung meant well, but he was right: he was crossing a line. This was something he knew nothing about, and no, Jaebeom could not afford a private investigator, but it didn’t matter. All the money he had been saving wasn’t for his schooling, or a place of his own. Every penny Jaebeom had to his name was to find his mother.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Jaebeom said, standing. “I’ll be back before dark.”

“Jaebeom—” Jinyoung said, but Jaebeom had already taken his shirt from the maid and walked out the door.

 


	9. Chapter 9

The police station was one not too far from Jaebeom’s father’s apartment, but thankfully, it was not the one where his father worked. The building was nothing fancy, which made Jaebeom want to doubt the abilities of those inside, but he told himself that this was his only chance to find his mother. This man was the only private investigator willing to do this for the small amount that Jaebeom had to offer.

With a deep breath, he opened the door and walked to the front desk. The guy behind it appeared bored and had food smudged on the side of his mouth. “Can I help you?” he asked Jaebeom in a monotone voice.

Jaebeom rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m looking for Detective Song,” he said.

The man pointed to a door on the other side of the room and began picking at his teeth with a toothpick. Jaebeom nodded once in thanks and hesitantly approached the door to Detective Song’s office.

As Jaebeom lifted his hand to knock, the door opened, and a slightly startled man stared back at Jaebeom. His hair was mussed, and his eyes were tired; he wore a wrinkled white dress shirt, his tie crooked and loose.

“Detective Song?” Jaebeom asked.

“That’s right,” he replied. “You must be Jaebeom. Wait in my office, I’ll be right back.”

The detective passed Jaebeom without another word. Jaebeom entered the office, closing the door after him, and sat in the chair in front of the large wooden desk. The desk was littered with papers and folders, pens and pencils and stray paperclips. A picture of two smiling boys a little younger than Jaebeom was on the windowsill.

Detective Song entered the room again, a file in hand. He dropped it on the desk, opened a drawer, and slid all the loose papers and folders into it, clearing his desk almost completely. Jaebeom bit his lip; he hoped this guy was more competent than he seemed.

Plopping down in his squeaky chair, Detective Song opened the file he had brought in with him and put on his glasses.

“You haven’t heard from your mother in a long time,” he finally said.

Jaebeom sat up straighter in the uncomfortable chair. “No, I haven’t,” he said.

Detective Song looked across the desk at Jaebeom, over the top of his glasses. “Is there a reason for that, that you know of?”

Jaebeom shrugged. “I assume it’s because of my father. He’s the reason she left.”

“Before we start this, have you considered the possibility that maybe your mother doesn’t want to be found?” Detective Song said.

“Well, of course she doesn’t want to be found by my father —”

“Perhaps she doesn’t want to be found by anyone.”

Jaebeom clenched his jaw. He knew his mother would want him to find her. She hadn’t wanted to leave him those years ago, why wouldn’t she want a relationship with him now?

“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side here?” Jaebeom asked. “I’m paying you to find my mother.”

“Not very much,” the detective muttered. “Fine,” he said, voice louder this time. “I’ll find her for you, but I don’t want to hear any complaining or talk about a refund if it turns out she doesn’t wanna see you.”

“Whatever.” Jaebeom stood.

“I’ll be in touch,” Detective Song said as Jaebeom walked out.

The detective’s words were echoing in Jaebeom’s mind as he made his way towards the apartment. _Perhaps she doesn’t want to be found by anyone._ _Jaebeom had never considered the possibility that his mother may not want to see him, either. But she had to, right? Jaebeom had sacrificed everything for her to have a happy life. He had given up his mother so_ _she_ _could be happy and free of her abusive husband. Jaebeom had suffered years of torment and abuse since the woman had left, and he wasn’t mad at her for actually leaving. He wasn’t mad at her for anything. He just missed her._

Jaebeom was so caught up in his thoughts that he nearly walked by the apartment, only realizing where he was when a hand wrapped around his arm, halting him. Jackson stared back at him with worried eyes.

“What’s going on with you?” Jackson asked.

“Nice to see you, too,” Jaebeom said, pulling his arm away.

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Jaebeom, I know you said we’re not friends, but I also know you. You don’t want to have to rely on anyone or have anyone be there for you, but that’s too damn bad. Now tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Jackson,” Jaebeom said with a sigh, “I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Can we do this later?”

There was a moment of hesitation and Jaebeom knew he had said the wrong thing. “Fine, Jaebeom,” Jackson said. “Whatever you say.” Jackson walked off and Jaebeom pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

Nothing was going his way today.

The door to his father’s apartment was unlocked and Jaebeom entered it with a heavy sigh. His father should be at work this time of day, but to Jaebeom’s dismay, the man was sat on the sofa, a beer in his hand and cigarette in his mouth. Glassy brown eyes met Jaebeom’s.

“Knew you’d have to come back sooner or later,” his father said, taking a drink of his beer. “I heard you’ve been trying to find your mom.”

Jaebeom swallowed but didn’t respond as he made his way to his room for his photographs. He should have expected his father to follow him. The man always did love to chase a fight.

“What makes you think she wants to see you, anyway?” Jaebeom’s father said. “She left you behind, after all.”

“I told her to,” Jaebeom said as he picked his photographs from the drawer where he’d left them.

“What kind of mother leaves her son behind? Especially with a man she’s running from.” Jaebeom looked over at his father, trying to control his emotions. “I know I’m a piece of shit, Jaebeom. Have been my whole life. Never cared enough to change. That’s how I know that any _real_ _mother wouldn’t have left their kid with someone like me.”_

Jaebeom watched his father take another drink of beer and head back out to the living room. Hands shaking, he shoved his photographs into his pocket and left the apartment without another word.

The walk back to Jinyoung’s house was longer than Jaebeom had realized, and the pouring rain did little to comfort him. His mind was racing with what the detective had said, what his father had said, and how he had just potentially lost his best friend for good. In his almost zombie-like state, Jaebeom hadn’t even noticed the rain until he was standing in Jinyoung’s living room, dripping water onto the expensive tile.

“Jaebeom?” Jinyoung said, pulling Jaebeom’s jacket off and hanging it on the coat rack. “Jaebeom, what happened?”

“What if everyone is right?” Jaebeom said quietly.

“Right about what?”

Jaebeom swallowed and sank to the floor, head in his hands. “What if they’re right? What if my mom doesn’t want to see me?”

Jinyoung knelt beside Jaebeom and sighed. “She’s your mother, Jaebeom,” he said. “Of course she wants to see you.”

“Then why did she leave me?”

Jinyoung didn’t have an answer, and so he simply wrapped his arms around Jaebeom in silence.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Jaebeom woke up the next morning on the couch. He barely remembered falling asleep there, but the boy laying half-beside him, half-atop his legs, reminded Jaebeom of the events of the night before. He sighed and slowly, gingerly, moved from beneath Jinyoung’s sleeping form and made his way to the guestroom where he was currently residing.

The shower was hot against his skin as Jaebeom tried to wash away the memories of what his father and the detective had said the day before. The problem was that no matter how hard Jaebeom scrubbed himself on the outside, he couldn’t wash away what was inside. He couldn’t wash away the abuse or his mother leaving him or the hurtful words or any of the pain. These things were deep, they weren’t like the dirt on his skin that washed down the drain.

By the time Jaebeom got out of the shower, the water was cold and Jinyoung was already dressed and having a bowl of cereal. His own hair was wet and poking out in several different directions, bags under his eyes from staying up late with Jaebeom the night before. A pang of guilt stabbed at Jaebeom’s chest as he took a seat at the table beside Jinyoung and began to pour himself a bowl of cereal in silence.

Jinyoung cleared his throat, but it was Jaebeom who finally spoke. “I’m sorry about last night,” he said sheepishly. “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to burden you with —”

“Burden me?” Jinyoung said, looking over at Jaebeom; Jaebeom kept his gaze on his half-empty bowl of cereal. “You’re not a burden to me, Jaebeom. I _want_ _to help you. I_ _want_ _to be there for you. Idiot.”_

Jaebeom found himself chuckling. He looked over at Jinyoung. “Thank you.”

* * *

Several weeks had passed since Detective Song had began his search for Jaebeom’s mother. Over those weeks, Jaebeom had only heard from the man twice for an update. Jinyoung was still allowing Jaebeom to stay in his guestroom, but Jaebeom felt that he had overstayed his welcome by a longshot. His things were still packed in his duffel bag, and he told himself that he would be out of Jinyoung’s by the end of the week. Where he would go was a whole other issue.

Jackson hadn’t contacted Jaebeom since their fallout and he wasn’t answering Jaebeom’s texts or calls. Unfortunately, Jaebeom just didn’t have it in him to go in search of Jackson just then. Things with his family were too much, and though Jinyoung and his mother helped matters, there was a lot that Jaebeom was simply holding in and handling on his own.

Jaebeom and Jinyoung were setting the table for Sunday dinner when he got the call.

Detective Song sounded calm, but tired, on the other line. There was the whirring sound of a fan in the background and the rustling of papers. Detective Song sighed when Jaebeom answered. “I found your mother,” he said quietly.

Jaebeom swallowed. “You did?” he replied, voice just as small.

Jinyoung was standing close to Jaebeom silently; Jaebeom vaguely felt the boy’s hand land on his. It was comforting.

The detective cleared his throat and hesitated. “Are you sure you want to see her, son?” he asked. “Maybe it’s just best if you leave it alone.”

Jaebeom clenched his jaw. The detective’s words made him fear what he was walking into, but this was something Jaebeom needed. “Just tell me where she is,” he said.

Detective Song read off an address and Jaebeom jotted it down on a notepad Jinyoung hastily dug from a drawer. The detective told Jaebeom to think about it, before the two of them hung up.

Jaebeom stared at the address. It was in a fancy part of town, not too far from where Jaebeom and his father lived, but far enough. His heart was pounding in his chest, feeling as if it would escape at any moment and land on the floor in front of him. Jinyoung’s hand was on Jaebeom’s shoulder; he squeezed gently.

“What are you going to do?” Jinyoung asked.

Jaebeom straightened. “I’m going to see my mother,” he said.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless self-promotion, but please follow my instagram to support my first novel @ sc.braswell  
> I'm working really hard on it and I would appreciate any and all support.  
> Also, I did not get to see GOT7, so that's lame, but I'm going to next year or I'll perish.  
> Enjoy this pain :)

Jaebeom felt giddy and nervous and nauseous all at once. He had found his mother, finally. He had no idea what he would say to her once he finally saw her, or how either of them would react. Would they hug? Would they cry? Had she missed him as much as he had missed her?

Pulling on his leather jacket, Jaebeom took his folder of photos and placed it in the inside pocket. Before his mother had left, she had known that he was passionate about pictures and had encouraged him to follow his dream. She was the reason that Jaebeom was planning to go to art school for photography at all. Everything he did, he did for his mother.

Heart beating rapidly in either excitement or nerves, Jaebeom exited the guestroom and made his way out to the living room. Jinyoung was perched on the arm of the sofa, his leg jumping in anticipation. He seemed just as excited as Jaebeom.

"Call me if you need anything," Jinyoung said, standing when he saw Jaebeom.

Jaebeom rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Actually," he said, "I was kind of hoping you would...come with me."

Jinyoung grinned. "Of course, I will," he said.

The two of them left Jinyoung's house, taking Jaebeom's car. The ride was mostly silent, aside from the quiet music in the background. Neither of them really knew what to say. Jaebeom was too caught up in his feelings about his mother, and Jinyoung was afraid he would say the wrong thing. Because, as much as he wanted to get his hopes up about Jaebeom's mother, he unfortunately agreed with the detective and even Jaebeom's father. If the woman had wanted to have anything to do with Jaebeom, she would have. It was that simple.

After what felt like forever, Jaebeom parked outside a tall, fancy apartment building. The address he had taken from Detective Song said that his mother lived in the penthouse suite on the top floor. Jaebeom wondered what type of career she had to have a place as nice as this.

With a deep breath, Jaebeom got out of the car. Jinyoung waited in the passenger's seat, but Jaebeom opened the door. "Would you mind coming inside with me?" he asked. "I just...I don't know what to expect."

Jinyoung got out of the car and shut the door, a hand resting on Jaebeom's shoulder. "I get it," he said. "I don't mind. Come on."

The two of them entered the building. The carpet was plush beneath their feet, the lobby filled with leather furniture and granite countertops. Expensive paintings lined the walls, and everyone inside was dressed in name brands that Jaebeom couldn't even begin to afford.

Jinyoung went to the counter and told the woman that they were there to see Jaebeom's mother. He waited patiently as she called up and got permission for them to go up, then the two of them bypassed everyone and headed for the elevator, taking it to the top floor. Beside him, Jinyoung could feel Jaebeom's hand shaking and took it in his own, giving it a light squeeze before releasing it. He was there for support, but he hoped it wouldn't be needed.

The elevator doors opened with a _ding_ and revealed a clean and well-decorated penthouse. Jaebeom let Jinyoung lead him from the elevator as his eyes scanned over the place. It was far nicer than anything he had ever seen, probably even nicer than Jinyoung's house. He could hardly believe his mother lived like this.

It wasn't long before Jaebeom's eyes landed on her. She was standing in a doorway on the other side of the room, her hair in a neat bun on her head. The white dress she wore looked expensive, the pearls around her neck clearly so. She didn't look much different from the last time Jaebeom had seen her, slightly older, with laugh lines.

Jaebeom could not read the expression his mother wore, but everyone in the room seemed uncomfortable.

"Mom," Jaebeom finally said, but it was drowned out by someone else calling for the woman.

A boy of around five or six came running from a room, calling Jaebeom's mother his own. He was excitedly showing her a drawing he had just completed; Jaebeom watched as his mother's face lit up. She knelt beside the child and wrapped her arms around him, looking at the drawing with joy and looking at the boy with love.

The photographs in Jaebeom's jacket felt like a weight against his chest and he suddenly felt foolish for bringing them along. He swallowed as the boy ran back to his room and his mother straightened and met Jaebeom's gaze.

"Please," she said, finally moving into the room, "have a seat."

Jaebeom and Jinyoung slowly made their way over to a couch and sat side by side. The feeling of Jinyoung beside him made Jaebeom feel slightly better, but nothing could quell the pain in his chest. His mother took a seat in one of the armchairs by the couch and looked at him nervously.

"How did you find me?" she finally asked, after long moments of tense silence.

Jaebeom looked down at his lap, where his hands were shaking. He placed them between his knees to stop it. "I had to hire a private detective," he answered, somehow feeling shameful.

"Oh," was all his mother said in response.

"Why did I have to do that?" Jaebeom asked. "Why didn't you come back for me? You clearly have the means."

The woman sighed. "Jaebeom," she said. "I have a life here. I made a new life for myself."

"And what? That doesn't include me?" Jaebeom asked. He could feel his heartrate rising, along with his anger. But all he wanted to do in that moment was cry.

His mother remained silent.

"I gave up everything for you to have this life," Jaebeom said, barely controlling his emotions. "I've been through hell, every single day since you left. And through all that, all I wanted was to see my _mom_ _._ I was foolish enough to think you wanted to see me, too."

Jaebeom stood, Jinyoung following suit silently. "I guess dad was right about you," Jaebeom said. "You never were a real mother."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated.  
> In fact, they're encouraged.   
> GOT7 don't deserve the things I put them through.  
> I hope they're happy and eating and get rest, I love them  
> Stan GOT7, nerds.


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